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CYBER-JACK: THE BEGINNING!      (Transcript and visual captions below}                           Take me home, delicious heart.

 There's probably a butt in there somewhere.

 

As the comic keeps coming a wee bit late and it's been another hard week, I give you bonus content. Enjoy it, as we will enjoy the new traffic from including a transcript for this one below!

 

 
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            TRANSCRIPT: This is the text of the comic, for purposes such as translation and internet searches.

1.)

(The comic has regressed to the style of a video game-themed 1990s webcomic. Title info above reads, "THE KINGGAMER - BY GAMEY GAMERSON." The first panel has a spikey haired fellow in a "GAMEO" t-shirt answering a corded phone.)

VOICE ON PHONE: (in Comic Sans MS font) Come to the party.

GAMEO GUY: Ok.

2.)

(Gameo Guy walks a short hall. The rooms at either end are conveniently labelled. He just came from "Bedroom." and he's headed into "Living Room.")

3.)

(Gameo Guy is seated with his roommate on a couch, playing a console video game. He looks happy in the mouth, but the eyes are soulless.)

GAMEO GUY: This party is L33T.

4.)

(The information beneath the three panel webcomic reads, "© ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO, PLEASE PRINT US WEB SYNDICATE." Below that, the comic has reverted to the black and white style of the Jack childhood flashback chapter, with young Jack and Karl sitting in front of an ancient computer.)

KARL: Heh.

JACK: What's funny?

KARL: This internet comic.

JACK: I can see. What's the joke?

COMPUTER: WHIRR WHIRR WHIIIRRRRRR *CHUG CHUG*

5.)

(Karl makes hand gestures and a thinky face as he tries to justify his chuckle.)

KARL: See, he said it's a party, but they just went to the other room, and he called him on the phone instead of ... Well, it's "new media."

6.)

(The conversation continues.)

JACK: Oh well. It's gay guys, so that's cool.

KARL: Actually, they're just hetero roommates. It can be kinda homophobic sometimes.

JACK: Oh.

KARL: Yeah. Well, do you wanna see what else you can do in CYBERSPACETM?

COMPUTER: WHIRR WHIRRR WHIRR WHIRRRR WHIRRRRR...

7.)

(Jack looks bored, Karl snappy. Jack has pulled a cat out of somewhere and Karl brandishes a finger of "Ho ho ho" at him.)

JACK: Eh, it seems kind of boring.

KARL: Au contraire. The World Wide Web is for porn.

JACK: Oh? How do you find porn there?

KARL: How can I not?

8.)

(We are looking at a computer screen where a naughty website is loading veeeerry slooowly. The banner image and most
  of the dirty pics are not fully loaded yet. The site's name, "INFERNO OF BUTT," is flanked by flames and pentagrams.)

KARL: Ugh. I guess patience is the key.

COMPUTER: GRIND GRIND CHUG SKRRRSKRRRR...

JACK: Is that a butt?

9.)

(Jack and Karl gaze upon Futility and try to visualize World Piece.)

KARL: Naw, the A/V Club teacher calls that kinda thing a "compressing error."

JACK: Not a butt? ... Is that a face?

KARL: Let's look at the text links below...

10.)

(Back to the screen, and below the slow-loading or broken images, a list of exotic delights:

HOT LINXXX FOR DAY
   
o Hot gay butt boy humped in butt
   
o Buff blond dude takes it in face
   
o Video of video of Buttbutt 14: The Buttening
   
o Twinks twinking on a twink twink twinkle
   
o Grauish extreme bondage boy Hans
   
o Are you still reading these?
   
o Oral hygiene will dryve u madd.
)

KARL: Do any of these sound like they're worth waiting for?

JACK: I don't even know what half of that means...

11.)

(Jack and Karl sit on the bed as the computer struggles. Karl pets the cat and Jack drinks from a dark bottle.)

INTERTITLE: Later...

COMPUTER: ♪BLOONG♪ CHUNK CHUNK SKRRR DRRR

12.)

(Jack and Karl are amazed at what they behold upon the screen...)

JACK: Whoa! Um...

13.)

(The video has finally opened in a program called "SCREENY VIDPLAY." Bad or corrupt video compression has left these porn stars as fragmented still images of an ecstasy no one will ever know again, hovering in a sea of unknown body parts, grain, pixel chunks, and a lovely sofa.)

SOMEONE: NEVER MIND

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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