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(Transcript and visual captions below}

"How much does a gun cost?"

"I dunno, man."

"You don't even know?"

"It's not like I buy them everyday, sheesh."

"Do they cost like, a million billion GM each?"


"This is only 1200 GM. Better cover our bases?"



Thus began a wave of crime.

In which Karl gets a journalism boner.

Jack rolled over to avoid even glimpsing the hazy film of sun coming through the taped over windows. Stupid sun.

         "Man shut up," he said, "it's not my fault you're calling at ass o'clock."

         "It's after lunch! When do you get up?"

         "Not ass o'clock like a bloody salaryman. Why are you calling me? Why did I leave my phone on? Why has this all become such a nightmare?"

         "Good grief. I'm just calling to confirm our plans."

         "Who does that? Why don't you send me a text like a normal human?"

         "I *am* a normal human!"

Karl felt the eyes of his coworkers and the pre-sniggering commencing.

         "Alright," he whispered into the phone, "we're meeting tonight at the transit center yes? We're going through with this, right?"

*teehee*public transit*teehee*

         "Yeah," Jack said,"we'd better after this debacle, and you'd better put out before your wife gets home this time."


         "Wait, who is this?"

First Comic   Previous    Next   Current Comic
     January 29th, 2014
     By:  Kelly

Sometimes everything is just too hard. SIGH. I apologize x 1 mill, hopefully things will be easier next time. Well, I had fun on this page despite the nightmare process of creating it. Somehow. I'm not sure how? Anyway, HIJINKS! My fave. In exciting news, Christopher bought me a butt-doughnut for my poor comicking abused bootay. I bet you didn't know how important butts are to creating this comic, but they totally are. I do not rub my butt on the comic though, however. I can't reach it. Gosh! I'm tired. xD

            TRANSCRIPT: This is the text of the comic, for purposes such as translation and internet searches.


(Jack and Darren appear in the eye of a security camera, Darren flipping it the bird, both with visages covered by
degraded cartoon cat heads. Jack deploys a peace sign instead, and they are both grabbing stacks of Glennish currency.


(A different camera and more glenmarks for the cat-faced bandits. The cat faces are clearly derived from the design on Jack's shirt.)


(They throw devil horns while Jack fans out some money for the camera to see.)


(Jack and Darren walk along the avenue, plainly visible out from under the watchful eye of surveillance. The are
waving arms over their heads, tossing lots of dollars - making them rain on no one, on their way into the parking lot.

They are smiling broadly.

JACK: I haven’t done this for like, 6 or 7 years!

DARREN: Me either!


(In the "Park 'n' Pay" parking lot, they slide over the hood of Jack's car with a silly flourish, glenmarks flying all around.)


(They drive home, faces blank as the excitement fades, a full trash bag in the back seat behind them.)

JACK: Hm, sun’s coming up.



(At Jack's apartment, the windows are papered over as well as covered with curtains, but a little daylight
still seeps in. On the floor, dead Jack and Darren use bags of cash as pillows. They still have no furniture.


(In the offices of The Masher, dating advice columnist Jess Biers accosts Karl. She is
wearing her usual fur coat and he is in a blazer over an untucked red shirt today.

JESS: Oh Karl you’re gonna love this.

KARL: Probably not.


(Karl is vaguely disturbed at Jess' excitement. There's a coffee cup in his hand
and hoop earrings in her ears. Tasteless sleaze decorates the room behind them.

JESS: Forget the Grey Menace!It’s all about the ABM hacker!


(View of a computer screen with Jess speaking from off panel, an article online is illustrated with security
footage of cat-concealed Jack and Darren. Darren's middle finger has been pixilated, but just the tip.

JESS: They robbed like, 30 ABMs last night. Guy in the CatCat shirt is the hacker I guess.

ARTICLE: ABM HACKER? - Police mystified by defaced security footage LAST NIGHT-- The first of


(More article, more footage, more pixilated Darren fingertips. Someone else speaks from off-panel.)

HANS: We know this kind of thing gives you a journalism boner.

ARTICLE: GLENLAND UNDER SIEGE Brazen criminals flaunt strange-- CatCat Apparel denies involv--


(Editor Hans Farrell gives Karl some writing advice. He is wearing a shirt advertising his "Don't Be Sad" project.)

HANS: So make it like the Informer’s but, y’know, clever and shit.

KARL: Yeah...


(In the foreground, Karl is fidgeting with a pen and talking on the phone. Behind him,
Cindy Easton, James Robale, and Ingenue are discussing the case of the ABM hackers.

CINDY: I mean it’s kinda cool but like, what’s the big deal? I don’t get it.

INGENUE: It’s wacky I guess. Whatever. I dunno.

JAMES: But why the corporate imagery? Is it a comment on consumerism?

KARL: Hey Jack, are we still on for tonight?


     (In the cash-strewn wasteland of his expensive new apartment, Jack
answers Karl's cell phone call. He squeezes his eyes shut and looks miserable.

JACK: Wha-- whoszit you... wh- Ryan?

KARL: No...

JACK: Ryder?

KARL: No...

JACK: Bryan?

KARL: Good god man!


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