ABOUT    CAST    ARCHIVE    FORUM    BONUS          

First Comic   Previous    Next   Current Comic


(Transcript and visual captions below}

Karl slunk into Narwhal, the place was three years out of trend and if Ingenue caught him there he'd never hear the end of it. But they had corndogs, and that had to count for something. Everything was too bizarre and confusing lately. This would be nice, meeting up with an old friend and wallowing in normalcy. He could take in grand tales of tech supporter-y and forget about all this drama. His friend flagged him down.

    "So the paper's sending you out in the field now? Nice one!"
Karl sunk back into his hood, "Yeah, nice in that a dominatrix went bonkers on me with some bizarre conspiracy theories until I could make an excuse to escape."
    "That sounds pretty fun."
    "It wasn't. I don't even know what I'm going to write about, because she's a good customer for our ads section. Maybe she just got me confused with one of her clients? Someone with a vampire fetish?"
    "Haha, oh yeah. I think we knew a few of those back in the day. Hell, weren't we? Just a little?"
    "Don't even start, man. This night has been full of brain-melting riddles and creepy mysteries, and I'm not even in the mood for it.
Hey if you're going to the bar, can you get me something?"
    "What, like a napkin? ... Ahaha that one never gets old. Anyway this place's selection is... well, it's all local."
    "Eugh. Get me the most tolerable."

In which a witch's teat is pretty cool.

Darren tossed the tissue paper instructions and they fluttered weakly. "Tell me you got some weird vampire powers to help with this."
      "Oh yeah, the 'assemble furniture instantly' spell, I'll get on it. What would that even be?"
      "I dunno, look there's supposed to be 36 wooden pegs and there's only like, 27! Seriously, we're supernatural creatures for fuck's sake, why are we doing this?"
      "Hey why are you wearing my shirt again?"
      "Oh come on, you left it in a wad by the door, like you were really gonna put it on today. Anyway, I got sawdust all over me from that-- that-- whatever you call it. The... clothes... box."
      "A fucking 'bureau?'"
      "Yeah whatever, I don't know all the words for shit like that."
      "I don't think you have to be gay to know that word."
      "This is why I crashed at other people's places. This is shit, man. These fudgin' Svellish fucks. Spend less time graphic designing your meatballs and more time INCLUDING ENOUGH FUCKIN PEGS! ...OK. Sorry. This is just all a little intense for me."
      "I understand."

First Comic   Previous    Next   Current Comic
     April 14th, 2014
     By:  Kelly

Sometimes when you're working on something, it's like time unspools and suddenly it's hours later and all you've done is blobbed some fuchsia dots around. At least it felt that way. Anyway, some intriguing events to follow shortly... :3

            TRANSCRIPT: This is the text of the comic, for purposes such as translation and internet searches.


 (Hoodied Karl questions the beer offered by a stout young fellow with advanced
male pattern baldness, spiked up remaining hairs, and extensive facial piercings.

BUCKET OF CHEESE: It’s called ‘Witch’s Teat.’

KARL: Is it good?

BUCKET OF CHEESE: Eh. Sounds cool though.


(The Teat accepted, Karl makes a mild work burnout face and Bucket of Cheese returns the sentiment.)

KARL:Sometimes... I just don’t know, Bucket of Cheese.

BUCKET OF CHEESE:I feel ya, mate.


(A wild Stevia appears, genderqueering up the panel with androgynous
 stylez. They have a chest tattoo of a winged heart pierced by a sword.

STEVIA: Hey hey, what are we talking about?

KARL: Damn it Stevia, your big mouth got me in trouble again!


(Stevia makes the, "Ain't I just adorably mischievous?" face and hand gestures.)

STEVIA: I’m sooo sorry! Hans just gets things out of me!


(Stevia crosses their arms and looks away, trying to play innocent. Karl glares.)

KARL: Hans? What? I was talking about a million years ago with Jack Ballard.

STEVIA: Huh? That doesn’t sound like something I’d do.

KARL: I didn’t even say-- *sigh*


(Stevia has bug eyes as they relate a bit of gory gossip.)

STEVIA: Oh my god, speaking of that kid, I heard he died big time. Big nasty car accident. What a way to go, all burned to a crisp, so sad.


(From left to right, Stevia looks matter-of-fact, Karl looks dubious, and Bucket of Cheese looks like he doesn't know what to think.)

KARL: Well you know he was a criminal, maybe he was just faking it.

STEVIA: No way, I know a guy... They found guts and teeth,nasty stuff. He’s totally dead.


(As Stevia speaks of evidence from off-panel, Karl's face gets a bit shocked and Bucket of Cheese looks grave.)

STEVIA: Sorry, that was a bit much. I just have to be me though. You know... I can’t censor myself.

BUCKET OF CHEESE: Damn, life’s so real...


(A "tiptip" at the window pane distracts Demetri from his painting.)


(Vitus floats outside the window, momentarily upside down, arms crossed. Demetri is unimpressed.)

DEMETRI: There are these things called ‘telephones...’


(Vitus has righted himself and looks angry. Demetri has a sarcastic expression.)

VITUS: Are you even trying to get Theodore?

DEMETRI: Oh yes, I’ll just arrange a playdate.


(Vitus now stands in a crouch on the ledge outside, Demetri turns away - not wanting to waste his time with this.)

VITUS: Did Jack introduce you to your new friend? Are you both ‘considerably more powerful?’

DEMETRI: What are you going on about? Why don’t *you* find something to do?


(As nightjar Vitus flies away, Demetri looks thoughtful.)

DEMETRI: Damn you Angela, immortal still.


  (In Jack's new apartment, the boys are in slouch mode as usual. Jack's thermal underwear are pushed up to the knees and he is wearing a black bandanna probably given to him by anarchists the other night. Darren is in the CatCat shirt yet again. Jack has legs crossed on the floor, Darren sits on a box. Both have instructions in hand and are surrounded by the tools and pieces of self-assembly furniture and Jack is receiving a phone call.)

DEMETRI (phone): Hello Darling, your pal Vitus is sniffing around. Just a ‘head’s up.’

JACK: ‘Sniffing around?’


(Jack has a vaguely concerned expression, still talking on the phone.)

DEMETRI (phone) :Just be careful. He’s in an emotional state, and it’s all new for him.


(As the action of the last panel continues, we see a solitary black balloon floating on the patio outside.)

JACK: Yeah, I’ll try.

Comic Rank